Everyone needs love

اَلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُم

       It's been a while I haven't update my blog with a long sentences and expression. Before this, I only post some pictures with a caption underneath. This time I have some time to write my experience searching for someone who can be my love partner or known as husband.

       Since I was in school, I never had a boyfriend. I never gave my heart to any men because I do not believe a love before marriage. As a young girl, it is normal to have a crush on someone and so did I. But it was only a crush and not falling in love. A crush on my schoolmate because of his cleverness and enthusiastic in studying. I was inspired by his excellency in academics and that driven me to work hard on my studies. He was my senior and as far as I remember I always looked up to someone who was older than me. Then, after I finished my school, I went to a university for a bachelor degree. Some people thought it is at the university you can find your future partner. Yes, it is true but again I don't believe with a love before marriage. I remembered I found an article on dating is against the Quran. It was from that article, I refrained myself from falling in love to someone just for the sake of having fun while studying at the university. Yeah, I know student life is the most enjoyable life in making friends. At that time, I saw some of the students eating and studying together with their girlfriend or boyfriend. But, I don't find it was necessary at that time to share your activities with a so called boyfriend. I thought it was just a waste of time texting your boyfriend just to ask how are you and have you eaten today? Perhaps, I'm matured earlier than my age because I'm looking for someone who already have a career rather than having a relationship with an undergraduate student who is still studying. Haha.

       As time goes by, I finished my study and enter a working life somewhere at a research institution. After sometime, I thought it was better for me to go for a postgraduate studies as my field required a skillful researcher with a good research background. Only after this, I start thinking of finding my future husband. Yes, this was a beginning of my first effort to look for someone who can be my so called soulmate. There is a man I found interested to know more about him. He was older and he looked cleverer than me. I was the one who started the conversation because I thought he was shy and introvert. Well, we just chatting using Yahoo Messenger ( I don't know this messenger still exist or not, haha). We never go out for dating of course. It seemed that he was interested to know more about me but you know as a woman, I never assumed he liked me more than a friend unless he said to me directly he likes me. My assumption was he was just a friend and we became closer as we always keep in touch by Yahoo Messenger and Facebook. However, deep down in my heart, I like him and I want him to be someone more than a friend. I remember messaging him asking for a car boot places in the UK. He replied my message and that's it. He did not say anything about our relationship direction. Then, I thought he might had someone else as we were far away and never met for a long time.

     My life became very busy with so many experimental research I need to focus on and I sometimes forget him. Then, one day my friend, Aina (she was my roommate) came to the UK. There was a conversation between her and my other friend (Sarah) who was studying at the same university with me. The dialogue was like this:

Sarah: Hi Aina, there was someone at your company kept on telling me, she like Zaid.

Aina: Is it Nuha that you were talking about?

Sarah: Yes. it's Nuha. She always message me on Facebook, saying that she like Zaid as they are in the same department. But Zaid never said anything to her.

Aina: Yes. I told Zaid, don't play with a woman heart. If you like Nuha, just tell her you like her. But Zaid said to me, he like other people. 

Sarah: Who was she?

Aina: It's her.  (Aina pointed finger to me).

What? Zaid told Aina that he likes me? I was very surprised. 

I never thought that Zaid will like me more than a friend.

Before this, I assumed he was just a friend. If I know he likes me, I will say something to him.

Yes Zaid. I like you too. But I never know you have the same feeling towards me.

Allah knows best.

(This was a true story but those names mentioned above were not a real name).


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Photo retrieved from: https://www.worldatlas.com/